Rin’s Blog

ok so i will finally begin my piece on why i found catholicism to be so fascinating.  I guess you would say i love to find out motives and actions of all the characters in the Bible and whatnot.  And in my theology class in highschool i was told to read a book that filled in the last 29 years or so of Jesus’ life, that the Bible fails to mention about. Now, this is all guesswork stemming from study of the basic culture and way of life in ancient Palestine, but i couldnt stop reading. Here’s what i got.

So, the gospel story always begins with the introduction of Mary, an ordinary run-of-the-mill girl growing up during the oppressive reign of the Romans. Mary was a very young girl, about 13 or so when  she was bethrothed to a man named Joseph, whose lineage is connected to that of King David.  Funny to see that it was Joseph and not Mary who was linked to Jesus’ greatest ancestors. So, while she was bethrothed to Joseph, she was visited in the dead of night by Gabriel, one of God’s best angels.  It came forth proclaiming that Mary, a virgin, was to bear a son, a son who would change the world and bring salvation to all.  Now that is quite a burden for the teen to take. “What pregnant? Me? How? What will my parents say? Joseph? the entire village? they will shun me. I will be stoned for this!” But surprisingly, instead Mary whole-heartedly accepted God’s plan, putting herself in great danger.  But she had complete trust, and from that night, she conceived. So, when Mary told Joseph, Joseph was …well…kinda ticked-off…but he being a man who hated great affairs and noise, decided to divorce Mary quietly, so as not to get her in trouble.  But one night, in a dream, he was told to stay with Mary, that she truly was bearing the Son of God.  Joseph then agreed to the marriage. So, with time, news spread of Mary’s pregnancy throughout the village, and people as was speculated at the time, looked at Mary in a different light, like a whore, to put it literally.  She was shunned and if anyone was seen speaking with her, they too would be shunned.  Yet, Mary was good to her neighbors as was Joseph.  Anyhoo, the story continues with Mary and Joseph receiving a summons to go to their ancestral land for a general census.  The ancestral land of Joseph was Bethlehem, which was very far away, and with a baby on the way, the couple were very worried for Mary’s condition. She was due very soon, and the journey may put a great strain on her. But they had no choice. they ventured forth to Bethlehem.  I guess at this point, you could say that Mary and Joseph got to know each other better, kind of like a bonding time, where they became the best of friends. Finally on arriving to Bethlehem, Mary was heavy with child and was due to give birth at any moment.  Yet they had no place and no one to help them.  Every inn was full with other couples and families that came for the census.  Having a child on the crowded streets would be disasterous and fatal.  So, they took refuge in a barn/stall…others speculate that they went to a nearby cave, but to make a long story short, Jesus was born in a not-so-crowded place.  And as you all know, he was visited by the Magi and shepherds and all that, and received expensive gifts. Now lets look at all these gifts.  Gold, frankinsence, and myrhh. Ok…um i thought this was a baby. Why would he get gifts like this? Well each gift had a specific meaning. Gold represented his kingship, Frankinsence represented his priesthood, and myrhh represented his death (since mryhh was used to bury the dead).  This was symbolism for what the Magi believed this child to have for them and their prophecies.

So moving on, Jesus was rushed out of Bethlehem when King Herod ordered all newly borns to be slaughtered since he too heard of the prophecy of the birth of a king who will be all-powerful and will bring salvation to all.  At that time, any means of salvation would apply to the Jews who were under oppressive Roman rule. So, the birth of a king who will bring salvation is sure to kick some Roman ass! So king Herod was scared. Which led to the massive slaughter of many babies and toddlers that week.  So Jesus and family escaped to Eygpt for 2 years, and upon hearing of king Herod’s death came back to Palestine. Now many are not so sure as what happens in the next 28 years or so. But here is what i learned happened.

So when Jesus was growing, he was an obedient son, helping his father, a humble carpenter.  As was tradition, Jesus’ trade would be carpentry since his father was also a carpenter. So, as you can guess, Jesus became very good with his hands.  This also explains why he used building references later in his sermons. Along with his carpentry, Jesus also went to school.  Now here is a very interesting notion.  At that time and basically for all time, the Jewish children were taught about the Messiah and his future coming as a great soldier of God who will lead all the Jews to salvation and freedom from the Romans.  At this, Jesus would ask the teacher many questions, very much related to the Messiah (which ironically was Him), often asking radical questions that the teacher found very unfit. And as was custom at the time, any form of radical questioning was translated as punishment. So Jesus was punished severely by his teachers for asking questions that were really about himself. (Irony, anyone?) Now, here is a curious notion.  Did Jesus know he was the Son of God? Did he ever make mistakes? Did he ever upset his parents? Well, many speculate that Jesus knew more or less that he was, due to his Mother and mainly due to his heavenly Father. How? Well, very much how Jesus heard his Father’s commands when he was an adult, basically happened when he was a child.  He recieved messages and learned about his goal in the world.  A heavy heavy responsibility that it is a wonder such a small child was given such a burden.  Imagine. Think about your life as a child, just starting anew, and fully knowing deep down that the very people you associate with and are friends with will one day not only demand but will want you to die a gruesome death, by humiliation and torture, and then laugh in your face.  Such a heavy burden.

Now as is said, Jesus was fully human and also fully God. This concept i know is very hard to comprehend. I still have trouble grasping it. However since he was fully human, Jesus did make mistakes and was an ordinary human being.  He got his first haircut, bruised his knees, went through puberty, felt every human feeling possible, attended Temple, had his bar mitvah, was circumcised, made errors in carpentry, etc.  hard to imagine, eh? But he was different. Different from any of the other boys.  He was very well-read in Scriptures and knew everything about theology.  There is one moment in the Bible where Jesus as a 12 year old boy was found in Temple conversing among learned men and rabbis about Scriptures. The men were stunned at seeing such young intelligence and cleverness. However, as many thought, Jesus did not preach as of yet. He merely asked questions that were very insightful and genius.  And this is where in the Bible, Jesus’ parents were upset with him. Imagine losing a kid for 3 days and finding him in a temple conversing calmly about scripture. They were a bit furious and relieved to find Jesus there, and scolded him for leaving them without telling them. Jesus replied that he was in his Father’s house doing His work, which no amount of scolding would satisfy. woah! did Jesus just tell off his parents? Not exactly. When he said this, he mainly looked at his mother, letting her know that the time was coming when he would start to do what was planned for himself since conceivement. and therefore, it was understandable.

Now here comes another really interesting part. the devil. Where does he fit in with this story? How did he come to be? Well, here goes…

The devil was originally not the way he was in the beginning. In fact, he was an angel of God. His name was Lucifer, meaning Bearer of Light. He was one of God’s most trusted of angels.  However, Lucifer was power hungry. He wanted to be God, and be just as powerful. And to do something that insubordinate to the maker of all good and beauty was evil. So God cast Lucifer and his followers away calling him Satan (kinda means “God-hater”) sending him to a place where God was never present, Hell. Now Satan who was an angel, had the specific qualities and powers of angels. They had the power to influence people through their most precious God-given ability, thought. He as well as all angels, was very beautiful and really had no gender. A misconception about the devil is his appearance.  He does not look male or female, but is very beautiful in apprearance, which i guess makes you think about the nature of sin and temptation. Not everything is black and white. There are many grey areas, all of which may look good but are wrong. Some of which may seem good to do, but are really evil in the long-run. That is the power of Satan. A power that is often underestimated and rarely seen but often done.

So, the deal with Satan. He was and still is very power-hungry. Since his exile from Heaven, he looks to form a legion against God and take Him over. How? Firstly, by turning His very creations upon him (the people on earth), and secondly, by killing off the Son of Man( Now according to Prophecy, Satan’s seed would be crushed by a virgin’s heel who bore the son of God (mary’s seed) while Satan at the same time bit her heel (i am not so sure which Gospel or Old testament passage it was)). So, from his exile, his hunt began.

Now over the centuries, there was many proclamations of the Son of man and his arrival. And Satan looked long and hard for any sign of him.  In the centuries, any man he suspicioned to be the Son of Man, he set to destroy. But his fears grew, as one by one, the men he thought to be his killer were not found.  Finally, Jesus came along, and Satan was curious about him.  He of course was not too sure of this particular man, and so by means of finding out, visited him in the desert. Now at this time, Jesus at the age of 30 (a little before he started his ministry) made a 40 day fast in the desert.  And Jesus, being vulnerable, was the perfect target. So Satan made himself known to Jesus, tempting him 3 times, with promises of power, wealth, support, and food all in exchange for worshipping him.  Jesus, fended off these temptations, yelling that he only worshipped his heavenly Father and his time would come when he would meet face-to-face with Satan, and now was not the time.  There, at that very moment, Satan had his “aha” moment. “Got him. This is the guy i am looking for”. And with that, he departed from Jesus.

And the next time  Satan was to come head to head with Jesus was the night of Jesus’ arrest. Knowing full well that this was his last shot at stopping this so-called Son of God from dying. So, if Satan did not want Jesus to die, that means Jesus’ death is worth a great deal for the world’s future.  If Jesus were to die for the salvation of all mankind, a single man bearing all the sins of the world on his shoulders, surely it would mean the devil’s plans would be delayed…majorly set back.

When Jesus was in the garden praying, he was in deep anxiety. Finally the moment he was preparing for all his life was coming. It was all going to happen, and he basically knew what was going to happen. Scary…to know exactly what kind of death you will be victim too, and knowing it will not be a short one, but long and gruesome.  While he prayed, he had his apostles stand near, so as to feel their companionship. But, that failed. They fell asleep. Jesus was alone in his sorrows. And once again he prayed. His face was sweating with blood. His anxiety and human fear was so strong, he had a brief moment of weakness where he asked God to take away this mission…that he did not wish to complete what he was born to do. (…Abba, please see if you can take this cup away from me…). But then he realizes his true goal and accepts his fate, wholeheartedly…

Firstly, let me explain some things about Jesus’ arrest and Judas’ involvement. Now Judas was an apostle of Jesus, one of his chosen few who journeyed with him and listened to his sermons. Now, Judas seeing the multitude of people Jesus had, believed that they could form an army to wipe out the Romans. He encouraged Jesus, but Jesus refused, saying that it was not his purpose.  Judas thought otherwise. He figured that Jesus needed a sort of catalyst, a jump-start to get this revolution going. Judas was practically sure about it. So, when he went to the Pharisees with 30 pieces of silver to reveal Jesus’ location, his intentions were not to betray Jesus, but to give him a boost. However, things did not turn out as planned. Instead of fighting back the guards, Jesus calmly went with them, allowing them to arrest him for no real crime. Judas as you can say was astounded and very ashamed. His actions did anything but help Jesus.  Feeling like he failed, Judas hung himself.

Now i guess everyone knows the story from here. Jesus was sent to people of authority to be judged on false charges, and was condemned to die as a criminal.  (kinda like a butterfly on a wheel, type of thing, except Jesus did nothing wrong and for doing so, was severely whipped and humiliated and finally crucified). Now here is something that never ceases to astound me. Jesus, at any moment, in his trial, journey to his death place, and crucifixion could have stopped this from all happening. With just a simple gesture, he could stop all of this and just save himself. But he didn’t. He loved us so much, so much that he would put himself in harm’s way to die for us, even when it was us that wanted him to die, that screamed for him to be crucified with passion and fervor. He died for the soldiers that beat him, the officials that spat on him, the people that sentenced him to death….

so i guess this is just a little bit of my knowledge on why i thought the subject of religion and theology was very fascinating. I hope you all have learned just a little bit more about a truly great man. Thanks and God bless!

ever felt pulled in two directions?

ever felt that what you were feeling at the moment is not supposed to be real? that it will start to go away with time….ever felt that you were taught to think you are against a strange and cruel world?

ever thought that you were never up to standards of your family because you made a choice that disagreed with theirs….

it pains me to think that the only huge choice that i myself made can meet so much opposition and, to be quite honest, anxiety to my loved ones. It hurts even more to know that if something should happen to end the relationship, they would be more than thrilled to see it go…..while i suffer in quiet agony at their joy.

day to day i do my best to help my family while i am separated from my better half. Yet each day, i seem to become more and more as a burden and accessory to their constant demands. I become a pawn in their game of life….enrapped in their problems and dreams….seeing it go by as a passerby….mine passions saunter to a land farther away….to a place where reality stops and life begins. 11 years have gone by and it was the waiting game. Waiting for the living to start. until i finally did. and a part of me that was so secretly locked away came back. I was independent. I could breathe without worrying. i could see the sky and wonder again. I could be an adolescent again instead of the mature 30 year-old that i played the part of in my childhood.

Now as i return in the summer, that part is locked again and stored away, waiting once again to live. Reality all of a sudden strikes a sickenly sharp deadly blow…..and all i can do….is say nothing and pretend i have no dream to call my own. My sacrifices to help are viewed as a means to delve further into servitude. Promising and then snatching it away….being called one with a “heart of cold stone” and “a sneaky apprentice” for being fair…being told that my choices in life are just not up to standard….and will never be….

pulled….torn in 2…my heart wrenched in peices to please one and please the other…..i want to make them all happy….but how much can i tear away? how much can i rip out and still have some left for me?

So i am fiddling around with php and javascript in the efforts to just have fun and see what i can do with computer programming

its a huge work in progress and i have taken a lot of breaks….i think it is kinda an interesting idea to play with

more to come laters!

i came upon a beautiful phrase that really touched me warmly in my heart: Chastity because true love waits.

in the world today, there are many pressures to be fashionable, socially acceptable, and beautiful. And a rising influence that is particularly apparent in our soceity today is sex. and not just any sex. i am talking about premarital sex.  It is an activity that is becoming common to a point of assuming that everyone is or will engage in premarital sex.  Schools are instilling safer sex practices in their curriculum, hoping to keep the students aware of STI (sexually transmitted infections) that may occur from having many partners.

Now, one of the topics that came up for a group discussion was safe sex practices.  For a grueling and quite uncomfortable 2 hours, we were shown on why using condoms and birth control would allow for safer sex and how different ways of utilizing the condom would better satisfy the partner. Now, this part of the program did not really bother me too much. However, when it came to the point where when asked if we all used condoms or asked our partners to use condoms on a sexual encounter, i felt offended, mainly because there were no assumptions made about people who abstained. It disturbed me to hear that question because i felt pressured into thinking that people who abstained were basically non-existent and that being pure was no longer an option with college students. In fact, according to statistics, 1 college student has 3 partners (not at the same time of course….unless you really get lucky).

Now there have been recent changes with the term “safe sex”. The government has changed it to “safer sex” practices since people still contracted STI’s or got pregnant.  So, let’s see. We use condoms in hopes of having safe sex, but we still have worries in our minds. “will i get pregnant?” “did i contract anything?”. 

Now in relation to the quote i mentioned above, the best way to live a sexually worry-free life would be to wait.  Waiting for that one person who you want to spend the rest of your life with will be worth the whole wait.  Knowing that you are saving that one part of yourself that is uniquely yours solely for your spouse is the most beautiful and special expression of human love.

Now, some may say that they are not virgins, so it’s too late to follow such rules. Dont worry! Start anew and take the first step toward chastity. It is never too late. Just know that from that moment forward, you will be happier and at peace for you have set a standard for yourself to give yourself the full love you truly deserve.

I have had many sexually active friends who have regretted their loss of control, and always wished they could take back their virginity. I even have some friends who are so in need of attention and love, that they would have sex with anyone to get it, and then would regress back to that hunger for love.  That is what is the most important thing for all of us to remember. We all want to be loved. However, real true love is not something you will get quickly and will satisfy temporarily. no. Love is patient. love is kind. Love is forever.

attached below is a video of Jason Evert, a famous spokesperson who has inspired the hearts of many into finding true real love within ourselves and with one another.

so about a month ago on October 22 at 6:30 am, i lost my most precious and constant friend of almost 4 years. His name was Baggio and he was my best friend. Baggio was a German Shepherd who was diagnosed with lymphoma.  He suffered to the end, becoming more and more sluggish and refusing to eat.  It was so hard to be motivated around him, since he was so weak and growing continuously weaker.  I have to admit, it was one of the toughest things to go through, and i would like to take this oppertunity to give out a general warning about feeding and whatnot.

So we fed Baggio with Nutro, a large breed kibble bought from local petstores (aka Petco).  Now a general message to all pet owners….Pets cannot tolerate grain!  I cannot stress enough how important this is.  Nutro contained rice which was a grain, and throughout the almost 4 years that we had Baggio, we fed him this kibble. And we always noticed that he hesitated on eating this and would sometimes throwup yellow bile. Of course at the time, i never realized this, thinking that we might have fed him something he shouldnt have eaten such as table scraps and whatnot.  THen this past July, noticing that Baggio was suffering from his 3rd bout of ear infection, brought him to the vet. Instead of just getting back a prescription, we got more terrible news. She noticed 2 large lumps on his throat (under his jaw) and lumps on the back of his legs.  This was a sure sign of lymphoma.  We set out to investigate what might have caused lymphoma, especially in such a young dog as Baggio (he was turning 4 in November).  Our vet told us that many dogs his age were dying of lymphoma…a quite unusual prognosis.  We found out that the major cause of it all was his food. The food we were feeding him for all those years was actually killing him.

So what you guys should do is to change your pets diet.  It is recommended that dogs have raw meat and vegetables. This diet is perfect since it is most similar to your pet’s ancestors (i.e. wolves) and therefore the best method of a long and healthy life. Other foods that are beneficial for dogs are apples, goat cheese, garlic, basil, RAW chicken bones, eggs, etc.  There are many recipes out there on websites, so feel free to check them out and guarantee a full and healthier life for your pet.

Enjoy your pets guys!

So i watched the movie “Invasion” a clever remake of the earlier movie “Invasion of the Body Snatchers” and may i say, it was nothing less than amazing and to a certain degree, disturbing. Starring Nicole Kidman, this movie centers around a new alien virus-like spore, that upon contact causes humans to turn overnight into un-emotional…well…robots.  The way the disease worked was that during the human REM cycle which is activated during sleep, the virus attacks destroying white blood cells and integrating itself into the genetic makeup of the person…so the humans are themselves in appearance…but are completely different people, devoid of emotion and care.

What i would like to point out from this movie was an interesting quote an intelligent politician stated “to live in a world of peace and harmony..without picking up a newspaper and reading about war and violence..is truly a world where humans cease to be humans”. And this movie clearly drove that point home.

In the movie, as people were being innoculated with this virus believing it to be a vaccine for this pandemic disease, peace among the nations was spreading…America made peaceful negotiations with Iraq and with South America, and basically with all the nations.  However, despite the fact of all these peaceful happenings, something is just not right…clearly not human.

As was stated by a woman in the “behind-the-scenes” of “Invasion” stated that humans as a species always experience both extremes of emotion, good and bad.  She stated ” yes it is nice to fall in love, but we do have our hearts broken.. and it would be nice just to fall in love and not have our hearts broken”…but it just cannot happen that way…this is an integral part of the human learning process. So to take away the possibility of getting a broken heart is basically to not care at all…to have no emotion.  That way, nothing bad or good will happen.

this was just an interesting concept that i would like for all of us to think about. Also, it really makes you wonder…are we as humans as violent and war-driven as to continue fighting with each other and not even consider world peace?  Is it ever possible? Or are we just wasting our time?

This new post was inspired by the very people i talk to in my life. Here is to you, guys!

Life is never easy. Life is in fact difficult and never straightforward.  It is not black and white, but gray rather: making decisions all the more difficult and heart-wrenching.  I see people who experience obstacle upon obstacles either in health or finances. And yet, their attitude is honorable and very strong. I cannot say enough that such fortitude in spirit can only afford my deepest expression of gratitude. Not just for me but for teaching all people how it means to act honorably and heroically. It angers me to see someone who claims their many venerable defeats of sorrows in life and yet when confronted with a new difficulty, become absolutely selfish and irritable, eradicating their tower of lies into nothing. These people, these very people of whom i speak however are seen as heroes only because of their fame.  Singers, models, actors will smile away but when confronted with a problem, they become anything but attractive.

And yet, they are still worshipped. But what of the people outside of hollywood? the real heroes that the stars attempt to replicate onscreen? Not many get that credit, when they most deserve it. My own mother from her childhood to adulthood never enjoyed a moment of independence because people always wished to control her. my mother. I think back on her life and i see many instances of great sadness and abuse and still i behold before me a beautiful woman who not only found inner joy within herself, but made everyone around her happy and glad to be alive. I truly applaud her.

Another instance is my close friend, Ryan. Never in my life have i seen such a confidant and happy individual, despite the fact that he has undergone many many surgeries. I remember that very day when he told me about going under for surgery number 9. Instead of expressing constant depression and sorrow, he had a smile on his face, a smile which promised hope and expressed strength. I was speechless and inspired. It was then on that i knew heroism was not dead. It was very much alive. To this day, whenever i feel down, i always think of that smile and it pulls me through the next hill of my life journey. 

so i guess my general message would be to never lose hope. Know that you must walk the walk if you must talk the talk. You never know whose life you may change for the better!!

I cry 

i hunger

i envy

i hate

i want to be what i hate

i want to eat what i revolt

i want to envy what i despise

why this torture? why this pain?

cannot one be oneself, without this unfortunate gain?

no, guess not..

not in this life….

where the misunderstood remain misunderstood

and the blind remain blind

I bleed

not on the outside…no

not where people can see…

no, i can hide that very well…

my inner center, my soul, it was trampled and choked

to a point where it bled dry..

and was left on the ground to die

and yet, 

i found some way to give it another try

my heart bleeds for a home

my heart bleeds for a friend

my heart bleeds for a true love

my heart bleeds for my family

my heart bleeds for an answer

my heart bleeds 

but no one will see this

no…no one

and yet,

they claim that i have seen no pain

that i have never tasted sorrow

or basked in the cold of despair and hatred

little do they know

little do they listen

little do they care

I live my life

I live my life

I live my life

While i was thinking about relationships, i came to a very interesting analogy for the workings of a relationship.

Ok, so it starts like this. Let’s play a game. So, we have two people sitting back to back on the ground with their arms interlocked. Their goal is to get up and end up balanced on their own two feet.  They could use anything but their hands to do it. And….go.

ok…soooo how does THIS pertain to a relationship. Well, let’s analyze this.

So the couple we see can be compared to a dating couple or a married couple or whatever. The goal which in this case is to get up on their own two feet in balance would be similar to a couple’s personal goal for life stability with finances, children, careers, love etc. Now, in order for the couple to get to that goal, they cannot just rely on himself or herself. They must depend, trust, and believe in the person behind them. One cannot forget the other. They must constantly be concerned with what the other is doing. That way, the goal may be reached with more ease.  

So, take a couple that is struggling to get up from the ground, and they begin to constantly bicker and fight, leading to miscommunication, confusion, and ultimately sore rumps on the ground.  This can be very similar in a relationship. Arguing and fights can cause some setbacks, but also can allow for the couple’s to learn more about the other and find ways to compromise so as to better reach their goal. In fact, arguing is healthy, and is a good way to let the other person understand your intentions and ideas to get to the goal.

Now, back to the game. So let’s say one couple try and try to get up, but they constantly are ignoring one another, and have practically given up on helping one another to get to the goal, they really get nowhere, and just end up closer to the ground than they were before. Lack of communication and loss of trust will contribute to this, and often ends up in forfeiting the game with that particular partner. and thus the relationship ends. So the way i see it, a relationship is based on not just chemistry and romance alone. It also involves putting 110% of yourself in your better half, and always finding a way to reach that goal in the best and easiest possible way.  Of course, a relationship will have disagreements and arguements (in fact, what kind of relationship would it be if there wasnt any?) i mean, how else will the bonds of a relationship be proven if not taken to its capacity? Is that not the essence of love, to be there for one another to get to that goal, for better or for worse? What matters is what the couple are willing to do to continue on together as a team to get to that goal.